Haruno Sakura, I Am
by Arctic Bowl
Summary: i was unhappy, we did not match, i was afraid of my own child, this is all that i was and am. oneshot version, sasusaku. EDITED


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TITLE - HARUNO SAKURA, I AM

AUTHOR - ARCTIC BOWL

ONESHOT

SUMMARY - i was unhappy, we did not match, i was afraid of my own child, this is who i am. oneshot version, sasusaku.

_Inspired by Janice Galloway's 'The Trick Is To Keep Breathing'. __It's something of a diary but not quite, enjoy and please, I implore you to review. EDITED And to my previous reviewers you don't have to review again for I have found a way to do this without deleting my story :)_

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**installment i**

i am happy. maybe. it may not be the perfect fairytale happily-ever-after scenario, but it is my after. he was not what i had in mind when i had first envisioned my husband at twelve. there are no bluish black locks of heavenly hair, no onyx eyes that flash crimson, no pale alabaster skin that makes me want to touch it just to check it's real. he has blonde, sunshine yellow hair, the sky for eyes and sun kissed skin that just screams healthy. he was the opposite of what i had wanted but he was all i had left, i would be a fool to throw him away. i am happy. almost. When he kisses me goodnight he is soft and gentle, gone are the rough, chaste kisses of my youth. now there is nothing but stability. for all the colour of my life; his bright blue eyes and blazing yellow hair and my crown of pink and eyes of green i find myself thinking it monotonous. we do not match, I think to myself as I watch him converse with our shy white eyed friend at the market one arm reaching out to touch her face. i think we were not meant to be. i think that i am colour and so is he, there is not balance, we do not fit. she is his opposite; his completion if you will allow. i think of the man who i made myself forget. i think of how i was his colour, for a short time and then he left. and then he met her. i am happy. i lie.

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**installment ii**

i used to always match colours when i was little. yellow always went with orange, purple with green and my favourites; blue with pink. i was not surprised then at the orange naruto wore to match his blazing crown of yellow hair. when ino and her vivacious purple met shikamaru with his calm green i wondered how long it would take them to get together; not long as it happened. but when my pink saw her blue she was met with denial. it seemed we did not go together. i tried and tried with all that i was to make it happen, to make us fit but it never happened. it was only later, many years later when i ws painting my nails pink and blue; my favourite colours, that i was struck with the realisation that we did not go together, not really. we were the wrong shades. we did not match. i was wrong to hope.

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**installment iii**

to many my hair was exciting and exotic. imagine, pink me it was boring, i looked it in the eye everyday. i ached for something new, i needed new. but what though? tenten was brown, ino blonde and hinata black, albiet her indigo tinge. the girl sasuke was marrying had red hair, anything but that. i began to weigh the pros and cons of green, it would match my eyes. karin would have a fit if her only bridesmaid turned up with green hair. especially the bridesmaid she hadn't wanted, the one her fiancé had asked her to have. one is never to upstage the bride i thought to myself. green is different, i could think of no-one i knew with green hair. the exact colour of my eyes i decided, the exact colour of the dress karin had chosen. at least i would match my dress, if not the man i would have had.

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**installment iv**

the divorce came through on the day of the wedding. i saw naruto cuddle hinata as i smiled and waved like a good friend. never has a couple parted on better terms, i remarked to myself. i was now a single woman, the last singleton of team 7 for even sai had found himself a girl. as i walked down the aisle thinking it was wrong, sasuke was at the end but i was not the blushing bride. i saw his eyes go to my green hair and a smirk grace his lips but then he looked past me. i watched as his eyebrows drew together in confusion as he looked at karin, as if she was not who he expected. then his eyes flickered back to me and i allowed myself to think, to hope, to pray that he would call it all off and marry me instead.

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**installment v**

the first time was the greatest moment of my life and i allowed myself to get lost in my almosts. we did not match, but it was close enough.

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**installment vi**

a year after they were married i announced that i was pregnant. i saw karin glance at sasuke, worried of his reaction. she had, so far, failed to produce an heir. i saw her face fill with surprise and relief when she saw his, filled with joy and disbelief as he hugged me tightly, kissed my cheeks and then gave his congradulations as he sat down after karin kindly reminded him. oh how i ached for him to kiss my lips then. i saw karin's pleased face as she realised her husband wasn't angry at her. she cried on my shoulder three days later when the divorce papaers came accompanied by an empty wardrobe and house. blue and pink, i thought to myself; finally, we fit. i cut off the green ends of my hair that day.

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**installment vii**

when our baby came, with his beautiful green eyes and small mop of blue-black hair that screamed 'ours' karin slapped me. you were my bridesmaid, she screamed, he made you make you bridesmaid. you should have worn white. you were my friend. they brought my baby in then, she cried when she saw him. the baby she couldn't give him, she told me cruel words that my baby was the only reason he was with me, he had married her she told me, he had loved her. a small part of me believed her. we were married that spring.

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**installment viii**

itachi was five when he got his sharingan. mikoto cried at the 'scary eyes' and i cried too. my baby, my poor baby; just like his namesake. sasuke beamed like the proud father he was and took itachi out to teach him his first jutsu. the same one fugaku had taught him. i felt the repeat that gripped my life, my children with names that weren't theirs and my ninja career take a backseat as i assumed the role of uchiha matriarch. i found myself not trusting my son. we saw karin in the park shortly after that, sasuke, the children and i; all holding hands and laughing, me heavy with my third child. she left the village that night, she told sasuke she couldn't bear watching me with my children and only being able to see herself in my place. i held his hand tightly as she told him this, him rubbing his thumb along mine as she spoke. i was afraid he would go with her.

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**installment ix**

when i asked him why he left her for me he smiled and told me it was because he loved me. when i asked him why he married her he frowned and told me he had promised her he would to save her. she had done so much for him he said, he couldn't deny her only wish and who else was left for him? i was married to naruto at the time. he said he would neer take me from his best friend, he owed naruto that much. all i could think was, what about what he owed me? itachi was thirteen now and i slept with a kunai everynight.

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**installment x**

he made anbu at fourteen and although he wasn't his uncle, he was someone. he cried when he made it, fearing his father would be dissapointed because he was older than the original itachi had been. as i looked into his watery green eyes i remembered he was my son and i dropped the vegetables i had been choppin and i clung to him, crying also. so proud, i whispered to him, so proud. mikoto walked in then, in her new dress holding her little brother's hand. momma, ita-nii? and then she was crying too. my babies, my poor babies.

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**installment xi**

sometimes i remember how it was when i was married to naruoto and i think it wasn't so bad. i wasn't afraid he would leave me because despite my child bearing skills i wasn't enough, and my hair wasn't dark enough. sasuke was surprised when mikoto got her bloodline limit at thirteen, not many girls got it he had said. but his girl was special he told her, kissing her cheek and taking her out to buy something nice. itachi was fifteen and anbu captain, mikoto a happy genin at thirteen and hikaru was graduating the academy today at ten, a year after getting hid bloodline limit. not as young as his brother was he worried but younger than i or sasuke i reminded him. secretly he had been my favourite baby when he was a newborn, sasuke had let me name him. he was new and mine.

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**installment xii**

when sasuke brought me flowers that day something that had died inside me found the energy to revive itself. we're not twelve he told me, and i made mistakes, i just want you to be happy, i love you like i have loved no other. and as i served a meal for my family, all of us together as we so seldom were with missions and the such i allowed myself to be happy. blue and pink. i am happy, very much so.

I am Uchiha Sakura.


End file.
